How long does it take to fly from one European capital city to another? 2 or 3 hours? Maybe 4 at the most? Not if it’s raining in London it doesn’t. Seven hours. SEVEN. And that doesn’t include the time spent at the airports at either end. If you count those - then it was a total of 11 hours. ELEVEN.
Yes - have been jetsetting a lot lately. And I really am beginning to miss my bus. But last night was taking the piss. After waiting for ages at the foriegn airport for my flight back home - I finally board the plane looking forward to being back home in a matter of a few hours. Only to be told as soon as I’d settled down in my seat (which was a “middle” seat sandwiched between two smart-suited businessmen) that the plane was going to have to sit on the tarmac for another hour before taxiing for take-off. All due to a storm over London causing delays. The British Airways announcement training has a remarkably irritating way of making bad news sound good. An hour or so later we take off - and I try to while away the flight reading the in-flight magazine and Daily Mail. I’d forgotten how entertaining the Daily Mail newspaper actually is.
On arrival over the skies of London - the annoyingly nice British Airways voice announces that we will be another hour in the sky flying around in circles over London due to lots of planes queuing up to land - due to lots of planes being delayed - due to the rain that fell earlier. I gracefully stabbed the uneaten bread-roll on the economy-class food tray of the person sitting on my right with the plastic fork from my own tray - in a kind of “non-violent” rage. He wasn’t there to witness me doing it - as he was visiting the bathroom at the time. I guess it was my way of dealing with the stress of the moment - and it felt good. Especially as the bread roll was still in its cellophane wrapper. When he came back - and saw what I had done - he gave me a strange look. I smiled and told him that it was “art” - kind of like for plane food what Jackson Pollock did with paint (Try it for yourself). I don’t think he understood. So - I artistically placed a couple of coffee-cup stirrers into the uneaten strawberry-angel-delighton-top-ofOreo-cookie dessert on the tray of the bloke sitting on my left - and proudly declared that disgusting plane food can be turned into a work of art. He gave me a strange look as well. It’s funny what people do when they’re angry and stressed isn’t it?
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When we finally landed - and spent 10 minutes taxiing around half of Heathrow Airport - the plane finally came to a stop. But not being anywhere near a window - it was hard to tell whether we had actually arrived at the bridge to the terminal. On comes the nice British Airways voice again. This time declaring that we had another hour to wait on the tarmac - due to no aeroplane parking spaces being available - due to a queue of planes waiting to park - due to the delays due to the rain that fell earlier. I think you know the story by now.
I also realised how much I hate Terminal 1. It’s a 10 mile walk from the aeroplane pier to passport control - and because most people who arrive here are citizens of the European Union - the queues at passport control are another 10 miles long. (The queue on the “non European Union citizens” side looked a lot shorter.)
An hour and a half later I was in my car at the Pink Elephant - and was soon cruising the midnight-hour across the misty, muggy streets of West London and Harrow with all my windows wide open. Got home at 1am. Checked my emails at 1:30am. Went to bed at 2am.
I really am beginning to miss my bus.
(Ignore the error - the comment will still be added - I just haven’t got round to fixing the problem yet)
Could have been worse - you could have been stuck on the underground (well, on one of the lines that wasn’t suspended, that is). Like the plane food art photo :-)
Posted by: Stu on August 4, 2004 09:29 PMStu: Yes - I later heard that the London Underground was in a bit of a mess yesterday evening. The news reports said that yesterday saw the worst disruptions to our beloved capital city since the snowfall of January 2003. Many of my friends reported “nightmare” journey’s home yesterday. I guess I was lucky to get home at the time that I did …
Posted by: Jag on August 4, 2004 09:55 PMIt was the wrong kind of rain… Had to giggle at the local news though, they recycled an interview of TfL back in the winter about problems due to bad weather and then just said: we asked the uestion in the winter, same problem 6 months later what have you go to say. It was priceless.
Him Indoors did not enjoy his journey back from London tuesday. 5 trains from Waterloo, none going our way, then when he retreated to the tube got faced with signal failure.
BA can be diabolical… I recall them telling us that snow in February was unforeseeable circumstances. Snow in August maybe, but in February ? Not exactly a rare occurence. They are good at fixing pushchairs though (did a grand job on ours).
Gosh.. that wd hav been a terrible experience.. liked the art photos though!
Posted by: Chakra on August 5, 2004 08:57 AMMy worst flight experience was being stuck airside at Luxor Airport for 4 hours - I’ve been stuck for longer in other airports, but it was the fact I was stuck in a small, tobacco yellow room, with no entertainment, one tiny shop selling awful Egyptian souvenir crap and a single takeaway serving immensely dubious, overpriced burgers that even McDonalds would reject for having too low a nutritional content, made this particular experience one I hope to never repeat.
Posted by: Chris on August 5, 2004 10:22 AMLoved the “art”. Throwing tantrums on planes - in today’s day and age is probably a bad idea. Good job that u didn’t have a security alert to top it all.
why does airline food look the same anywhere in the world?
The Jackson Pollock site was fun, good find. I alleays though tthe airlines should have a contest with hospital food to find out which one is more inedible. Here in the USA energy bars are becoming better and beter, I think I will pack a few for my next flight
Posted by: Fritz on August 5, 2004 05:13 PMI’ve spent some deeply frustrating hours waiting in airports. The complete sense of helplessness is what gets me - you can’t go anywhere or do anything but wait…you’re trapped…arrrgh!
Posted by: Fi on August 6, 2004 06:17 AMHave you ever done Bombay-Pune by flight in the pre-expressway days? the flight takes about 40 minutes but the travel within Bombay to get to the airport and then in Pune getting away from the airport… takes more than the time it takes to get to Pune from Bombay by road! and by the way, your ‘still life’ pic of airline food made my day.
Posted by: Charu on August 6, 2004 04:28 PMStrop: wrong kind of rain eh? What a laugh! Don’t know whether to laugh or cry actually. Sorry to hear about him indoors. I agree with you - BA are entirely unpredictable: good one minute - and atrocious the next!
Chakra: it wasn’t so terrible - just majorly irritating. Glad you liked the pics!
Chris: wow - Luxor sounds like it was a real experience! And moral of the story is “avoid the burgers” !
Harini: thanks! Yes - I agree with you - it can be awfully risky to express any anger on board a plane - which is why I tried being so graceful. :-) And I would also agree that plane food is the same wherever you are!
Fritz: thanks for your comment. Glad you liked the Pollock site - it sure is fun. I will have to take up your tip about energy bars - will carry them around in my carry-on luggage next time! :-)
Fi: couldn’t agree more!
Charu: glad to make your day! No - I haven’t tried the Bombay-Pune route by plane - but I sure would avoid it based upon those facts! Sounds like Heathrow to anywhere else in UK though: best to go by train or road - it surely will be quicker.
Posted by: Jag on August 8, 2004 10:03 PM