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July 16, 2003
Breeze it - buzz it
Apart from the suffocating humidity and the annoying teenager next to me playing what sounded like
Fatboy Slim's "Right About Now - the Funk Soul Brother" on his walkman at 120 decibels - it was the fly. One of those big black furry ones with the orange eyes. For some unexplainable reason it was crowding MY airspace - not that of any of the forty or so other people on this packed bus - no - JUST MINE.
I tried to ignore it - but it was not trying to ignore me. It was one of those "London Bus" flies - you know: they are more arrogant and persistent than other sorts. This one was doing its damnedest to get to me off the bus. It landed on my arm three times - dive bombed my face a dozen times and tried to get up my nose twice. At one point I was convinced that it was burrowing through my hair. What the f*ck was it about me that got this fly so horny? My shampoo? My hair gel? My aftershave? Sheeeze ...
What made it worse was the fact that the journey home was taking twice as long as normal. So after around half hour I switched into "stay cool" mode. I closed my eyes and sat as rock solid still as I could. (This wasn't so difficult given that the bus was stationary most of the time). At first I heard the buzzing get louder and then fainter- and oscillating like that for around 5 minutes or so. Then it went silent. (Apart from the ching-ching-ching of the walkman-zombie next to me.)
It wasn't long before the c l o s e - y o u r - e y e s - o n - t h e - b u s hyponisis set in - and I started to drift in and out of sleep-state ....
It must have been 15 minutes later - woken my a sudden jolt of the bus - when I realised that I was only a couple of stops from home. Thank god - I was about to die of humidity poisoning by this point. Anyway - got off bus - got home - went upstairs, got changed - and THEN: As I was folding up my trousers for hanging I heard that DAMN BUZZING again - it looked like it had flown straight out of my trousers! And it was now surveying my house like it owned the place!
Let it be sufficient to say that I spent the next 20 minutes or so trying to woo it out of a window - and I succeeded in the end - but I am really puzzled as to how it transported itself into my house. It was DEFINITELY the same fly ...
bq. "
Breeze it, buzz it, easy does it.
Turn off the juice, boy!
Go man, go,
But not like a yo-yo schoolboy ..."
From West Side Story
Posted by jag at July 16, 2003 10:56 PM
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